Hiatus times infinity

Jeez what a slacker I am. Nothing but emptiness. I am 40 now and as fat as I was when I was 39. I so badly want to loose weight but dot really want to do anything about it any more. I mean how hard is it to be skinny? Hard in my case. I will try to at least do a weekly posting / entry to help me stay on track. Ugh. What a nightmare my body has become. My feet hurt so much every day from my 294 heavily resting on bones not made for that. I need to do yoga so badly that my tendons are just screaming for it. But it always comes down to...I think there is never enough time in the day. Which I know is a lie. An hour. Really Maria? You can't spend an hour to make it better? Maybe today will be the day I just suck it up and just try. I want but I am lazy. Good grief I make myself sick

Day 26-one day at a time

have been focusing on the food i eat. unfortunately we had easter and it seems to be filled with candy, candy, and candy.

but back on track with good choices. i am feeling pretty good.

really haven't had any blood pressure issues. still feel hiccups in my heart. that's normal for me though. now i just need to get a gym membership. with the turmoil in the employment problems it just seems so far, but i will persevere. i will be outside working the garden this year and mmmmmmmaybeeee doing other things but who knows. i guess i will have to deal till i can get a job

but with that i DO feel better...and i have lost 3 lbs. at least i don't feel like a balloon anymore!

age: 36
BP: 139/79
weight: 267.4
how i feel: fat but ok

ps...damn the holidays that include candy! where is the holiday with salads?!

Day 13- wow time flies!

i didn't even realize that so much time has passed. i have been so focused on work, working out, not fighting with the kid, looking for a solid job and eating ok that a week has passed since i was last here.

at least i am staying busy not sitting in front of the tv and making sure i am out doing things. going to the gym and just in general staying busy.

the blood pressure is up and down. not as bad as it was thank god but i can tell i am a long ways from where i need to be.

eating more hit than miss. one day at a time with my stomach. tonight for dinner...fish chowder. mmmm and healthy!

age: still the same (unfortunately)
bp: don't know
weight: don't wanna know
how i feel: like i hate winter

Day 6: nothing new

i worked out today. Yeah! 10 min on the treadmill and 15 on the elliptical. it actually was very hard and tiring. i just can't believe how week i am. but i am taking one day at a time and working towards being stronger.

also been really good about eating better. do have to say due to total laziness had pizza for dinner one night. but made up for it by having (mmmmmmm) crispy chicken salad. but i feel better. my blood pressure is down.

my heart....it still does a couple of skips, jumps, and, hiccups but if i just keep going to the gym it will not have a full on jump fest in my chest.

Age:36
weight: 270.6
BP: 139/79
how i feel: better

Day 3- good tired

I went to the gym today and did 10 min on the elliptical and 10 on the treadmill. I feel really good but tired and can't wait to go to bed tonight. still having problem with my stomach wanting to not let me eat anything but thats ok cuz i am doing shakes and soft foods so getting through the day.

funny side note: thought i was heating up mashed potatoes (soft foods) but it actually was egg salad. so i'm eating hot egg salad. little weird but what the hell.

no heart issues today. not even a glimmer!

i'm excited to go to the gym tomorrow!

Age: 36
weight: don't know today
BP: really not working it out
how i feel: daydreaming about my bed

Day 2- in the right direction

i feel better today already! i still can feel the balloon effect on the brain but it is less...if you don't count the headache.

little bit of trouble with the stomach today so could not eat very much. even had hiccups with cereal! but thats ok. had egg salad for dinner with protein shake so will get back to what i need.

no problems so far with the heart! cross fingers, legs, and anything else i can find. I did go to the gym and got a 7 day pass and i am meeting a personal trainer tomorrow for an hour. i will be buying a membership on payday.

so begins the sweatyness! yeah! i do love to work out you just wouldn't know it to look at me.

Age: 36
weight: 269.6
BP: really i am a slacker
how i feel: tired but positive

Day 1.1

still teary eyed. trying to not get to worked up about not having heart medication but its really hard. afraid to go to sleep tonight. my heart might decide to go galloping without me.

my heart hasn't even hiccuped today but my head feels super pressured and my hearing is off from high blood pressure. hoping it will lessen by tomorrow. not sure i could handle even a bit more psi on the brain.

good note. didn't sit around all day. went to granny's and the store. then went for a walk. really cold though and the wind was blowing so didn't stay out to long. actually my legs are tired from walking.

Lunch- some cheddar cheese and triscuts. not super hungry

for dinner- grilled salmon with onions and mushrooms, salad, and cooked spinach.

gonna try a new breakfast cereal recipe- TVP Oatmeal

Age: 36
Weight: 269.6
bp: still don't know
how i feel: like a balloon