Day 1- the scariest day

last night at 4 am my heart woke me up from and wonderful dream to another life scare. with no insurance and no new doctor since i moved here and really no way of getting the prescription to the heart medication i need, little to say, i was scared.

what to do...wait it out and hope my heart stops, not like that, but stops beating at 200+ minute, and vibrating in my chest?

it occurred to me during this moment that i could have prevented this moment.

if i choose to not lie to myself and quit caring more about the money (aka bills) and really worry about whats important in my life...the true thing i really own...my body. and the family i created.

so today is my first step to health. hopefully my blood pressure won't pop my brain and my heart will not try to kill me. how scary is that...to think i did this to myself...so stupid and vain, to think i would live forever being fat and unhealthy.

so the plan today is to get a membership to a gym. regardless of cost. and take a walk or maybe treadmill if i can do it.

breakfast- coffee, protein shake, and eggs.

still a little teary eyed...

Age: 36
Weight: 269.6
BP: will find out
how i feel: like total shit